Unexpected Results

Today, I competed in a USA Swimming meet. I'd been a USMS Masters swimmer for quite some time when Coach Hardy suggested I join USA Swimming. Most USA members are in the 18 and younger age groups, so I was a bit apprehensive about competing in USA Swimming as a 55-year-old. In addition, I've had a pain in my shoulder for close to 8 weeks now; I hope the doctor can figure that out during my appointment tomorrow. I did not sleep well last night; anxious about the race, I came away with about 4 hours.

I met my swim pals Diego and Richard for breakfast at 7:30, as we usually do on Sunday morning. At breakfast, I was convinced I would withdraw from the event since I was tired and the shoulder was talking to me. By the time I made it to meet, I concluded it was not a good idea, especially after seeing all the young, talented swimmers I would compete with.  Then some questions popped into my head: “Why am I withdrawing from this thing that I want to do? What am I afraid of?” I found myself acting out of fear more than lack of sleep or an injured shoulder. I was afraid of failure.

Coach Hardy said, “It’s time to warm up.” I jumped in the warm-up pool. I realized, Hey, this is feeling pretty good. At that point, I remembered that I could swim. Ha! Before you know it, I was next in line at the blocks. My brain was still talking to me. “Will I screw up my launch?” “Will I go too deep?” “These guys are so much faster than me.” “What if I place last?” Coach Hardy said, “Jim, just enjoy yourself.” I heard the words, “Take your mark!” The signal went off and I found myself in mid-air, heading for a sweet, shallow and splashless entry into the water. Dara Torres said in her book Age Is Just a Number that once you leave the block, you are alone. Swimming is a lonely sport. Looking straight down at the black line, it’s just you and the water. It is that time when you are truly alone with yourself. When it gets down to it, it is about conquering yourself, exceeding your personal best. This always comes before scoring that winning time.

Today I beat my personal best by 4 seconds. That was enough for me. I had my reward. Then, as I climbed out of the pool, something happened that I didn’t expect. A women crouched over the pool with a big smile on her face and said, “Awesome swim!” Several parents of my fellow swimmers also thanked me for inspiring them.  As I walked back to my locker, another man stopped me. His eyes were moist, and I could see that he was holding back a tear. He grabbed my hand and told me how much seeing my swim motivated him. It occurred to me that as we get older, we can still be better. Excel and do more than we have ever done.  The man thanked me for being an inspiration. This was my unexepected win; my unexpected honor. After I got home, my coach texted me that he didn’t have the final times yet. I don’t care anymore.